Funny

Martha’s Way –

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.                                     

Maxine’s Way –

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!                                     

Martha’s Way –

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.    

Maxine’s Way –

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.  

Martha’s Way –

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.    

Maxine’s Way –

Go to the bakery! They’ll even decorate it for you.  

Martha’s Way –

If you accidentally over salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up.’    

Maxine’s Way –

If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it and you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’                                     

Martha’s Way –

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.    

Maxine’s Way –

Celery? Never heard of it!                                       

Martha’s Way –

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.    

Maxine’s Way –

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don’t.                                     

Martha’s Way –

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.    

Maxine’s Way –

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!  

Martha’s Way –

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.  

Maxine’s Way –

Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.                                     

Martha’s Way –

Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.    

Maxine’s Way –

Leftover wine ???????????           HELLLLLOOOOO !!!!!!!

Often, we are stirred to emotional response by the headlines of a “news” article, opinion page, and yes, even a blog headline.

A current article in today’s Gazette makes us chuckle a bit: “How Liquor Stores Stack Up in Gaston County”.

At first glance, without reading the article, one would think (even the simpletons who edit these pages), that we have stacks of ABC stores in our backwoods lovin’ neighborhoods.

You could have a stack of books, a stack of boxes, or a stack of pallets, but stacking up liquor stores?

Of course it made us look — you did too if you clicked on the link or read it in the paper.

The content of the story is trying to make a case to combine all the community’s ABC boards into one (Re: Gastonia), and to point out that the smaller towns don’t know how to market their local operations. And of course, the Gastonia ABC general manager points out that people want to shop at larger, well lit stores. (Re: Gastonia –Cox Road or Long Avenue).

Well, we haven’t seen either dirty or poorly lit stores in either Cramerton or Mt. Holly. Yes, the selection of product is smaller, and as most retail outlets will demonstrate, product offerings tend to follow local consumer demand. Certain items that sell well at Cox Road might not do well or even be offered at Mt. Holly. We get a kick out of the fact that a Harris Teeter is nearby the Cox Road store, and “Always Low Prices” Food Lion is next to the Cramerton and Mt. Holly stores.

Hmmm…

Mt. Holly and Cramerton have Belmont’s business depending on which side of town you are coming from. It certainly is more convenient most of the time to shop locally.

Good for the Gazette trying to imply that the yokels outside of Gastonia don’t know what they are doing. It certainly sold a couple of papers.

Marion’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. 

Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check …” “Oh, by the way don’t worry about my dog Spike. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!” “I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”

When the repairman arrived at Marion’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. 

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.  Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut-up, you stupid, ugly bird!” 

To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”  

See,  Men just don’t listen!