Jokes

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS ( this was actually reported by a teacher).

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following :

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida . Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore . They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, and do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but in it, they all jump up and down with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.  He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out.

They go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds.

Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can Visit their grandchildren.

We like a good joke from time to time on the Front Porch. We have some friends, relatives, and neighbors who are sterotypically represented in these jokes. So if you are sensitive, don’t read them… again, we wouldn’t publish some of the really bad stuff that gets one pushed into the bushes…

Tom, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.  
 

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. 

The 10:00 PM news was coming on.  The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. 

The blonde looked at Tom and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Tom says, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Tom placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. 

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Tom saying, “Fair’s fair.  Here’s your money.”

Tom replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump.”

The blond replied, “I did too; but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Tom took the money…..